The first time I walked through the door of the abortion clinic was for an appointment to confirm I was pregnant. In my mind, there was no need for confirmation. Since I’d taken the test, the subtle changes in my body were haunting reminders of the secret I was hiding. A sudden thirst for soft drink, cravings for ice cream and a distaste for coffee, which had generally sustained me each day during university and long hours at work.Continue reading
Lately, I’ve been feeling the pang of regret. The regret stems from the fact that potentially my book had caused married hearts to wish they had something else. Despising their own marriage.
Ouch. Continue reading
Writing Daughter Wait! wasn’t something I intended to do. It just happened. A few years ago when I felt the prompt to start writing I began writing. Mostly I wrote messages. Writing messages became blogging and blogging turned into a love affair with words that resulted in me dreaming of one day writing a book. Continue reading
The shame, guilt and horror of what I’d done were so deep that I couldn’t deal with being present in my own life. I just watched it from a distance. I wasn’t me. At times, truckloads of emotions boiled up, and I exploded in uncontrollable crying, screaming and shouting. The outbursts lasted for hours. I was an intelligent and capable young woman yet the way I was living was incongruent with what my heart knew to be true, and it caused extreme conflict within. Continue reading
Chapter 3: Wisdom From Above
Sit down and grab a coffee- you’ll love this chapter from my soon to be released book Daughter Wait!
As I sat on the bed of my small dorm one afternoon, I opened my Bible to find Solomon moaning that life felt meaningless. Hardly uplifting, but this verse caught my eye: ‘The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil’ (Ecc 9:9 NLT).
I was intrigued. The idea of becoming a wife one day seemed impossible after the series of less than ideal choices I had made. It was the furthest thing from my mind…kinda. Continue reading
The problem with deception is, you don’t know you’re walking in it until it’s too late. Considering the way I was living, it shouldn’t have been such a shock to discover my period was two weeks late. I was in the middle of a shift at work when it dawned on me. Initially, I didn’t even entertain the idea I was pregnant. Girls have irregular periods all the time. Surely I couldn’t be pregnant? Continue reading
Within these pages are some of my most vulnerable and private moments. Some bring such joy while others are so painful they bring tears to my eyes as I write: the shameful things I hid, the feelings of devastation I felt as the consequences of my poor decisions unfolded, and the isolation that grew within me as I did my best to walk out my journey.
As confronting as these years are to pen, I write them in the hope that perhaps you will find encouragement on your journey. Our stories are made to be told, to be shared and enjoyed.
My story begins when I was twenty-one and made the decision to remain single. Forever. Relationships, dating and marriage weren’t for me. Better to remain single forever and protect myself from any future heartache.
When I made this decision, it was genuine. I couldn’t risk being hurt again, wasting time with the wrong guy, or worse still, waiting in hope for the knight in shining armour who never arrives. I wasn’t willing to lower my standards either. I’d watched friends settle for less, then years later find themselves unhappy, and again out of love. No thanks! Not for me. I wanted to let go of the idea of ‘happily ever after’ and move onto the next phase of my life.
For a while, I walked out this decision confident it was right for me. Then, a few months in, it dawned on me that my decision to remain single was consequently a decision to forfeit having children. Having children was one of the many unspoken expectations I assumed I’d tick off as I navigated the seasons of life.
Finish school- check
Get married- check
Start a family- check
And of course, all the while continuing to pursue the call of God. Not too much to ask, right?
Deep down, when I was honest with myself, I did want children. This meant I did want to get married, which meant, one day, I’d have to approach the whole dating thing again.
Fast forward twelve years and these days I find myself happily married, with two gorgeous girls. Thankfully this challenging season is a distant memory. It still brings a smile to my face, though. God had to teach me so much.