It’s a common question when you’re single. Your list, not unlike a list for Santa, is a list of requirements Mr Right needs to embody to be considered potentially date-worthy.
Writing a list felt daunting… a little too absolute for my liking. I didn’t want to be specific nor did I want to be too open. I didn’t really know what I wanted. The last guy I dated had ticked all my boxes yet the outcome of our relationship couldn’t have been further from what I’d envisaged. Continue reading
Within these pages are some of my most vulnerable and private moments. Some bring such joy while others are so painful they bring tears to my eyes as I write: the shameful things I hid, the feelings of devastation I felt as the consequences of my poor decisions unfolded, and the isolation that grew within me as I did my best to walk out my journey.
As confronting as these years are to pen, I write them in the hope that perhaps you will find encouragement on your journey. Our stories are made to be told, to be shared and enjoyed.
My story begins when I was twenty-one and made the decision to remain single. Forever. Relationships, dating and marriage weren’t for me. Better to remain single forever and protect myself from any future heartache.
When I made this decision, it was genuine. I couldn’t risk being hurt again, wasting time with the wrong guy, or worse still, waiting in hope for the knight in shining armour who never arrives. I wasn’t willing to lower my standards either. I’d watched friends settle for less, then years later find themselves unhappy, and again out of love. No thanks! Not for me. I wanted to let go of the idea of ‘happily ever after’ and move onto the next phase of my life.
For a while, I walked out this decision confident it was right for me. Then, a few months in, it dawned on me that my decision to remain single was consequently a decision to forfeit having children. Having children was one of the many unspoken expectations I assumed I’d tick off as I navigated the seasons of life.
Finish school- check
University- check
Job- check
Boyfriend- check
Get married- check
Start a family- check
And of course, all the while continuing to pursue the call of God. Not too much to ask, right?
Deep down, when I was honest with myself, I did want children. This meant I did want to get married, which meant, one day, I’d have to approach the whole dating thing again.
Fast forward twelve years and these days I find myself happily married, with two gorgeous girls. Thankfully this challenging season is a distant memory. It still brings a smile to my face, though. God had to teach me so much.
