Should you have a list or not?

write a list for guy

It’s a common question when you’re single. Your list, not unlike a list for Santa, is a list of requirements Mr Right needs to embody to be considered potentially date-worthy.

Writing a list felt daunting… a little too absolute for my liking. I didn’t want to be specific nor did I want to be too open. I didn’t really know what I wanted. The last guy I dated had ticked all my boxes yet the outcome of our relationship couldn’t have been further from what I’d envisaged.

All I had now was a fuzzy outline of what could be. This fuzzy outline consisted of a man who was:

  1. Passionate and willing to sacrifice as much as I was to build the Kingdom of God
  2. A King David type; someone who loved God, loved people, a creative soul perhaps and
  3. Someone who loved me for me

Not exactly easily identifiable qualities to spot as you are walking down the street. However, while they were not specific, they were a start and they were my non-negotiables.

As I began to think about what else I wanted, it dawned on me that if I believed God was going to choose my husband then perhaps it should be God who was writing my list? Perhaps if I asked nicely, He’d let me in on what He’d written on His list. At least the hints would help me recognise my man when he showed up. I needed to know what I was looking for right?

My friends had written lists:

  • blonde hair
  • surfs
  • blue eyes
  • tall
  • good job
  • no debt
  • confident speaker
  • funny
  • dresses well
  • toned

the lists would go on…

Good for them, but I trusted God knew what I needed. The types of things on my friends’ lists could easily change over time and I didn’t want to box myself in. Hair colour can change or fall out. Surfers can stop surfing, money comes and goes, style changes and skills can be developed or lost.

It’s character that stands the test of time.

A list of superficial things is not helpful. However, a list of character traits can be incredibly helpful. Hearing my friends talking about their lists eventually inspired me to add to my list of character traits:

4. Someone who loved, attended and was active in my church

5. Someone with integrity

6. A best friend

Maybe we would sit at a cafe on Saturday mornings reading the paper, drinking coffee, sharing our current musings? I hoped we’d talk for hours about nothing and everything simply because we loved each other’s company.

Lastly, for good measure, I hesitantly added a few things I knew were trivial. These things were not deal breakers. They were more like hopes to throw into the wind and hope God would grant some of them. I added:

7. Plays guitar

8. Dark hair and brown eyes

9. Broad shoulders and a nice back

10. Someone who dresses nicely for work—not a tradie who comes home all dirty.

Trivial or not, I was happy with my list. My non-negotiables set the standard high while my added bonuses allowed for a little dreaming and fun.

Overall I trusted God had my best interests at heart. He knew what I needed not just what I wanted

[An excerpt from the book Daughter Wait!]

How about you? Have you got a list? Or if you’re married, did you write a list? Comment below.

Use the contact form below if you have a question you’d love answered anonymously in an upcoming series.

Daughter Wait! is an invitation to consider a different approach to dating and relationships. If you have ever wondered: How do I have a Godly relationship? How do I know if he is the one? What are realistic boundaries in a Christian relationship? How do I move on from a broken heart? Then this book is for you.

Written in Carly’s unique conversational style, you’ll cry, laugh and cheer as you follow her story of love and loss. Daughter Wait is a timeless reminder that regardless of your past, God has the best for your future.

Daughter Wait Book


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