I feel God when I am alone.
The solitude awakens my soul. Hidden thoughts and feelings floating to the surface, effortlessly pouring out before Him. I become aware of His presence and remember who I am.
That place of aloneness with God is vulnerable. His Majesty both breathtaking and humbling. It’s a little too real, too close, too intimate. There’s nothing arm’s length about it.
Although the rewards of drawing aside are obvious, my busy natured-go-getter inclination finds the silence awkward and painfully uncomfortable at times.
This depth of intimacy is scary. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s because it is only as I stop that I realise what I’m running from. It’s only as the Speaker of Truth speaks that lies are brought into the light and consumed.
This happens when I am alone.
When was the last time you just sat in His presence? Not specifically praying or storming heaven, not waiting for some giant revelation, just sitting, breathing and becoming aware of Him.
Watching as thoughts gather then allowing them to drift away carried by the fresh wind of the Holy Spirit. His love sinking in and self-judgement dissipating in His Holiness.
We are offered closer…
At times I liken this scenario to entertaining friends in my home. Jesus is a guest at this imaginary party. We’re all talking together, laughing, getting to know one another. I feel close to Him, connected in fact. After all, we’re spending time together. We’re in conversation as close friends.
Inevitably everyone leaves and we’re left standing there alone. Then there is that familiar awkward feeling that comes before intimacy (not unlike a first date).
“So… do you like… stuff?”
Even when you know someone, love someone, you still have to fight to dig beneath the surface level connection that we are so accustomed to. You can hide in a room full of people. But when it’s just you and Jesus there is nowhere to hide.
In my party when everyone else leaves my feelings of ‘not enough’ surface. But I’m learning. These days Not Enough is that annoying guy who keeps butting in, but now that I’m more aware I politely let him know that I don’t have time for him, Jesus and I are on a mission. His interruptions are becoming less frequent.
If you were at the same party when everyone leaves what feelings surface for you?
We drown out these cries of our inner man, breadcrumb trails to the truth, with myriad of things, even good things, the world offers. People, projects, family, zoning out on our devices, we carry on, we stay busy, we don’t stop to listen.
We should be familiar with the pathways into His presence, wearing well-worn paths into the pockets of His love. I dare say that Jesus has things to speak to you.
Don’t fear the silence. There is a big difference between solitude and isolation. Embrace solitude with Jesus at your side. You’ll be changed in His presence.
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