Beauty in the chaos

Typography by Jade Sweeney of Ark & Deer

Are we sometimes trapped in boxes that we have created for ourselves?

In many ways I feel like I have come to know my voice as a wife, a mum, a friend, a leader. I have known my voice in different seasons as a pastor a primary teacher a creative. But as a writer I am unsure.

As a new writer I know that I love sitting down to write, I enjoy the process from thought to paper. I know one day that I want to write books, and I constantly find my mind drifting to articulate the wanderings of my heart.

But as for style, method, what, who, how…. I am at a loss.

I have always been someone of extremes. I want tradition but then I want change. I want stability and predictability but then I want to explore.

I wanted to write in themes because that is usually how God usually speaks to me. Then I felt trapped by the boundaries I had put on myself and wanted nothing more than to break them.

Do we do that as people? Create our own boxes and then feel trapped?

I wanted structure:

  • a thought
  • a story
  • a scripture
  • a question to ponder

But then I wanted flow and I wanted to be interrupted.

I wanted to write weekly, then fortnightly, then not at all.

I want random.

I want real.

But mostly I want Jesus all the time.

I want His life to permeate every fibre of my being, every moment of every day, however that looks.

I have come to learn that there is beauty in the chaos. 

Chaos as a definition in physics is;

the property of a complex system whose behaviour is so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions.

I relate to that. Not chaos internally; internally I’m great thanks for asking; but when it comes to my personality and creativity this definition suits me to a tee.

I clean chaotically (here there and everywhere with no method to the madness) and I kinda create chaotically too.

From songwriting, to creating solutions, to making a novelty birthday cake there is no set plan. There is an idea, and intention, a moment to stop and be inspired then I just know I have to step out and the rest will come in time.

Although I have felt the pressure to change this organised chaotic approach; whether it is house cleaning, life or creativity; in actual fact I have found it works for me. It fits, it keeps things interesting and surprising.

I was going to post another blog that I’d finished but it was too neat, tidy and fitted the theme too perfectly that I just wanted to mess it up.

In many ways the content is now much more fitting to my original musing:

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭2:20‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I suppose if you are still reading this is my way of saying excuse my imperfections as I find my voice as a writer of blogs and hopefully one day a writer of books.

I want to be authentically me, full of Jesus and ready for anything.

As for ‘7 days of creativity’ maybe there will be 7, maybe 3 or 8… I just want to let go and see where this journey takes us.

Now let the inspiration roll…

How about you?

What do you want?

How do you best live and create?

Where would you like to let go and allow God to work more authentically through you?

In love, Carly x

And thank you Jade for inspiring me with your typography to venture out in new and creative ways.

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